From Pastiche to Pasties, The real Burlesque scene revealed

Many of us appear to fall into the same kind of relationship patterns again and again. We like to think our experience of love is unique. Cast your eye over the following clichés d'amour and see if any are familiar to you.

Bad boys attract the good girls like moths to a flame
Do you seem to fall time and again for the sort of guy of whom your mother would definitely not approve? The forbidden aspect of this type of relationship can unfortunately fan the flames of passion to new heights. Whether he is a total social no-no or a lazy sod who can’t hold down a decent job won’t matter a jot to you if he is sexy. He may play fast and loose with both the letter of the law and your affections, but it probably only makes him seem even more attractive if you are newly in love with the guy.

So why on earth do we fall for rotters? Maybe it's got something to do with our not-so-latent desire to have our wicked side unleashed; certainly, the idea of playing with fire holds a perennially exciting appeal. But, while we're trading in clichés, it's worth remembering that at some point you will certainly get burned. The sad reality is that bad boys are at best charming – if perennially unreliable – lotharios, or at worst, thugs, both of whom will remain trapped in their nasty ways by their own self-esteem and self-deception. The last thing they need is a demure girlfriend whose very presence reinforces the romance of their hard-man image. Stick to having your nice-boy boyfriend play out some bad-boy bedroom fantasies. That way you'll get the best of both worlds.

The opposite attracts
Do not confuse this category of clichés with the last one. Falling for the chalk to your cheese is less about being thrilled by the dark side, more about getting a shortcut to what you see as the best bits of someone else's lifestyle. Just like the endless stream of teenage fans willing to sleep with any old C-list celeb for a glimpse into the world of glamour and fame, the driven career girl who's attracted to the arty bohemian gets to test-run a lifestyle option she'd never get a door pass to in any other circumstances.
It’s true to say that sometimes opposites really do attract: the prince may well marry the poor waitress, but chances are it's the outside trappings of their lives that seem at odds. For a couple to survive long-term they need to share similar moral views and outlooks, all of which might seem a little dull right now, but it's worth bearing in mind before you put your name to anything legally binding.

Keep them keen, treat them mean  
Probably the most frustrating aspect of this particular relationship cliché is the depressing fact that it seems to work, in the short term at least. Why, oh why can't men and women be honest with one another? Why must we continue to play the kinds of games we first learnt in the playground, when pinching a pal’s conker meant you were well in with one of the opposite sex? More importantly, why do we still believe that aloof or downright nasty, behaviour is the way forward when we're old enough to know better?

We can all blame the media and self-help books with their ideas of game playing, but I think it all do with our fragile fear of being rejected, if you play it cool you keep your cool. Sadly, such a strategy means that you may never get your guy.

Longing for something you can’t have?
We have all felt the longing to reach for something which is just out of reach, the yearning for what's lost or what might be? On those long, dark nights of the soul, during which your current relationship is reassessed against a slideshow of what-could-have-beens, the rich memory of what you left behind or what you might still have can take on an impossibly rosy glow.
However, in the cold light of day all this is just dreams. Just as your designer knock-off handbag looks fabulously perfect from a distance, but is all frayed lining and wonky stitching once you get up close, so do the hazy shells of fantasy and memory break down under the 100-watt glare of real life.

You will be much better to focus your attention on the things you can actually change in your life and/or your relationship, rather than waste your time daydreaming. Whatever you do, don't waste your precious time in dreamland. After all, once you've hopped the proverbial fence, the only emerald-hued vision you'll be looking back at longingly is the one you left behind.