WHAT WOMEN SAY – WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN…

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I am sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead = You better not
Do what you want = You will pay for this later
I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about

WHAT MEN SAY – WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN…

I am hungry = I am hungry
I am sleepy = I am sleepy
I am tired = I am tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage
I love you = Let's have sex now
I am bored = Do you want to have sex
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS...

40-ish = 49
Adventurous = Slept with everyone
Athletic = Flat chested
Average looking = Minger
Beautiful = Pathological liar
Emotionally Secure = On medication
Feminist = Fat
Free spirit = Totally bonkers
New-Age = Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned = Wears tights
Open-minded = Desperate
Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing
Professional = B*tch
Voluptuous = Very Fat
Large frame = Hugely Fat