Gulp, The Game's Up!

If you get caught out having an affair, we give you some suggestions for saving your relationship.

The way you get found out doesn’t matter. Whether it is a stray text message, an incriminating email, an unexplainable hotel bill, a nookie hickey or unidentified underwear in your laundry basket, the result is the same: they know.

Subconsciously, some people want to get caught. They need to force a crisis because of underlying problems in their relationship. People stray for all sorts of reasons and Relate calculates that 66% of couples stay together after an affair, which means that getting caught need not spell the end of your relationship.
 
Saving your relationship
The damage is done so it's up to you to re-pave the way to your future with your partner, assuming that's what you really want. Here's how:

No more lies
The most important principle from now on is honesty. By the time your partner has sussed out that you have been unfaithful, you will already have told enough lies and half-truths so stop now and tell the truth. If your partner confronts you, confess. Denying it insults your partner's intelligence and makes it worse when you do finally admit to having been unfaithful. 

Chill before chatting
You should cool off before getting it all out into the open. If you have children, arrange for them to stay at a friend or relative's house when you have the big chat – there is no need for them to overhear the hurt and recriminations.

Do be tactful
Whatever they ask, tell them, but don't be unnecessarily blunt or brutal.  They will want to know why you did it. You may have been in need of excitement or sexual satisfaction, for instance, but you don't have to tell them that they bore you or are crap in bed.

Listen to them and only answer what they ask
 Some want to know every detail of what you did, others won't ask much beyond 'why?' and 'when?’ If they need to know everything, tell them. It will hurt like hell, but it is better to answer honestly than to allow unanswered questions to eat away at them, which will only cause more hurt and undermine any attempts to rebuild trust. Let them vent their hurt and anger. They have every right to tell you how they feel and will almost certainly need to do so more than once. 

Say sorry
Even if you enjoyed every second of your illicit trysts, you will be sorry for the pain you have caused your partner, so make sure you tell them. Don't make promises you can't keep, if you can't promise to end your affair, ask yourself how deeply you are committed to your existing relationship.